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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A peace of mind

Ramadhan is about to leave me. Us.
I keep asking myself. What have I done?
To be better. To be closer.
No answer came at me directly.
Every incidents that happen recently make me ponder, maybe there are somethings that I should let go or experienced before everything fall into the rightful places.

Truthfully, it terrifying not knowing what will happen. But, I will brace it out bravely, sometimes cowardly.

What is right? What is not? Do the decision I made is the right thing to do? Or maybe it the worse possible choice that I had made? Can you give me the answer to this? No. You can't. The only thing that I could do is to believe and have faith with the decision that I had made. He will guide me when necessary. Indeed. I will ask for His guidance constantly.

I have been thinking much. What will become of my future? My career? My dreams? My marriage. The progress of thinking is so little. At least there has been some progress.

My future will be further my study under my desired and interest course. Which I had lost long time ago. I had forsaken it and now I want to rebuild anew. I was wondering what is my interest and my desired, my passion. I keep looking and i found that I still love writing and reading. Thus maybe, I could become a writer. My study could be around this field.

I do not wish to be in my current career for a long time. Not my whole life. I would like to open a company or at least, do business. Though above all, my career path should be Writer. To this point, my two questions were answered. Partially. I need to come-out with a 'blueprint' though. Then, how long should I been living in this career? Perhaps three years, perhaps five years. I hope it would be less than five years.

Credited to Mr. Google
I have been dreaming of travelling around the world. The most place I want to go are Japan, Makkah and Madinah (To perform my Hajj and Umrah and to visit my Prophet), and Britain. My passion comes from Britain and Japan. I love the classical writers and books from Britain. I want to experience all the culture and nature of both country.

I keep falling in love with Japan through its anime, manga, and drama as well as some of the idols. Above all, their culture and sakura blooming. All these, i could learn from all the above mention lists.

The beauty of the country and the well mannered of the people in these country. I wish to experience it first-hand. Why not. I wish this dreams will come true, someday.

Credited to Mr. Google
Yes, Let me fantasized about this, let my imagination goes beyond. perhaps it will help me to achieve this dreams. Who knows. Him.

I wish to have babies and children. Be with them, looking at them growing, cuddle them and showering them with affectionate and passionate love. Those feelings, I wish and long to feel. Why want children. For mankind, that would be an ideal answer. Forgive me, for I am imperfect being. I want kids for my own selfish being. I want to cuddle them. I want to be the center of their attention, to be one of the important figure for them. To see them growing and fond of me. Yes, they will leave me one day, when they would build their own family, or perhaps I will leave them first. It is a sad feeling. But having one remembering is no dead. I will live in their memories and du'a.

I knew, raising child nothing like playing a doll. I would sometimes lose my patients, angry, sad heart-broken. But it also come with every positive feelings you could come up. Is not it wonderful. It will be my training ground. Life is training ground. We will keep on making mistakes and re-do it to make it right and perfect in our sense. I am imperfect being to begin with. I will have those feelings. Still, I want to be able to love the children. I can.

Credited to Mr. Google

Everything seems far-fetch. But I want to realize it. Within my ability, with His help and guidance. I am blessed with a family of so kind-hearten and understanding. I am blessed with having the opportunity to make my own family. My Little Family, which start from two people.

During this few days left of Ramadhan, I would like to apology for my insensitive and overly re-action and my writing  and any wrong-doing which make any of you feel offended. 

Strive for what left. Double energy!

Bless us during this Ramadhan, Ya Rabb!